Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
