i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
