i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
