You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
