Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
