he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
