I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
