True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
