sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We had sex on a dog bed..
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
