this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
