Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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