apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
