I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
