I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
