is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
4 words: hood of his car
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
