That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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