Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
two words...techno handjob
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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