Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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