I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
