The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
