and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
