this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
