I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
