She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
