I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
