considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
