Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
