He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
