I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
