we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
