You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
