I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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