he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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