Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
