I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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