Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
