U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
