This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My day in three words: secret purse cake
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
