The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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