This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
