Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
