nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
