my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize