I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize