Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
