You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
