Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
