I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The uberlube is also flammable
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
