There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
