Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
