There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
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