I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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