you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
