I hate your face
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize