So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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