remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
