You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize