i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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