I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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