I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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