This girl is more easily done than said...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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