i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
