So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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