Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
