if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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