my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
