i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Farmville is her only friend.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
