I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i will never coherently bang her
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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