My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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