you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
pray to the hookup gods
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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