We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
