Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
