just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
